Fantastic Jokes | Page 3 of 34 | Fantastic Jokes, Blonde Jokes, Good Jokes, Funny Jokes

  • Bad Date

    Ana sets up her friend Jenny for a blind date. Before she goes out of her house, Jenny calls Ana, “Listen girl, my date’s here so I only have a minute. Call me after thirty minutes so I have an alibi in case it’s going bad and I have to bail. Okay? Thanks!” After thirty...
    0
    12 shares
  • Three Brave Mice

    Three mice were having a bragging contest of who was bravest and toughest among them. The first mouse says “I’m so tough, I ate a whole bag of rat poison once”. The second mouse gloats, “I’m so tough, I took the cheese from the mouse trap and didn’t get caught”. Finally, the last mouse gets...
    0
    4 shares
  • New Gig

    A cab passenger taps the driver on his shoulder to ask a question. Spooked, the driver lost control of the car and nearly hits several business stores in the quiet street. Driver: Sir, you scared the crap out of me! Passenger: I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize you scare easily. Driver: I apologize as well....
    0
    7 shares
  • You Know You’re Old When…

    Little kids want to help you cross the street even if you’re just walking along the sidewalk. Your senior citizen’s ID whips up discounts in many products and services. In a hostage situation you are most likely to be released first. Dumb blondes ask you if you were in the Vietnam War. Getting a little...
    0
    13 shares
  • Double Negation

    One morning in a grammar class: “Basic English grammar teaches us that double negation results to a positive declaration. And while a double negation could mean a negative declaration all throughout, there is no instance where two positive words form a negative declaration,” says the instructor. Peter, the class clown, clears his throat and yells:...
    0
    2 shares
  • Becoming a Grandfather

    It was a bright Sunday morning and Mr. Smith is reading his morning paper at the front porch when his only child came up to him. “Dad, I’m pregnant,” confessed the child. Mr. Smith just looked up, shook his head, and continued reading. “That’s it? Aren’t you going to say something? Are you mad? Are...
    0
    9 shares
  • Me, Myself And I

    The English teacher called Peter for a graded recitation. “Peter, recite a sentence that begins with I.” Peter thought for a moment and slowly said, “I is the…” The teacher interrupted him and said, “No, Peter. You say ‘I am’ instead of ‘I is’. Now, try again.” “Okay,” Peter said. “I am the ninth letter...
    0
    2 shares
  • Weddings and Funerals

    During my siblings’ and cousins’ weddings, my grandmother never fails to tease and poke me by the sides, telling me, “You’re next!” So when one of his brothers died, I stood next to her during the funeral and playfully teased her as she does to me during weddings and said “You’re next!” And she hasn’t...
    0
    2 shares
  • Signs That You are Way Too Drunk

    1. You’re having an imaginary argument with your girlfriend in which you are winning. 2. You want to go the zoo to check out if they have camels there. 3. It is easier to crawl than walk. 4. You insist you’re not drunk, just “intoxicated”. 5. You can see better with one eye closed. 6....
    0
  • Favorite Letter

    On the first day of first grade, Mrs. Smith asked her students to name their favorite letter. One young girl in front raised her hand and said: “My favorite letter is ‘F,’ because the word ‘flowers’ begins with ‘F’.” “Very good, Marissa!” Mrs. Smith chirped. “Who else?” A young boy raised his hand and said:...
    0
    5 shares
  • The Highway

    A man was driving down the highway when another car starts to tailgate him. To make some room between them, the man in front speeds up and pulls ahead. As he speeds up, the car behind him speeds up and matches his speed. Again, the man speeds up to make some room between the two...
    0
    2 shares
  • Simple Test

    A man stops by his doctor’s office. He tells his doctor of his concern for his wife’s hearing. “She doesn’t answer me when I ask her questions.” He told his doctor. After a lengthy conversation, the doctor thinks of a simple test the man can do: “Stand about twenty feet behind your wife and ask...
    0
    15 shares
  • Old Couples

    Two old couples got together to reminiscent about the old times and laugh about life. One of the gentlemen, Harold, started raving about this great restaurant he and his wife visited not too long ago. “Really?” The other old man asked. “What was the name of this place?” Harold thought for a second before asking,...
    0
    15 shares
  • Private Jet

    Three fathers we sitting in a bar bragging to each other about how successful each of their sons was. The first father declared, “my son is a successful doctor. In fact, he just bought his best friend a brand new car.” “That’s all fine and good.” Said the second father. “But my son is a...
    0
    13 shares
  • One More Chance

    Frank came into work late one day and his boss was noticeably upset: “You’ve been late almost every day this month! You’re fired unless you give me a good reason why!” Frank thought for a moment then began to speak, “Sorry, boss. I always have late night plans. I know everyone worth knowing and it...
    0
    4 shares