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    Loneliness

    A husband had to leave his wife for 3 months while he attended business in Africa. To prevent her loneliness and to lower the temptations of her being unfaithful he gave his wife a magic dildo before he left. The reason it was called a magic dildo was because no matter where the wife was […] More

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    Too Expensive

    A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of shoes she likes and must have… The husband says, “No fucking chance love, They’re too expensive!” Later on that night in bed, The wife is just falling off to sleep when the husband tries his luck and places his hands on her […] More

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    Thanksgiving

    This is the story about a little girl that didn’t know what cursing or what sex was. Two nights before thanksgiving, she heard her parents having sex. Her father said: “Oh honey, I love your luscious tits.” Then her mother said: “And I love your slim dick!” The next morning, the girl asked her father […] More

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    I am a Man

    Me: Say “I am a man” after everything I say. Friend: Alright. Me: You broke up with your girlfriend. Friend: I am a man. Me: You decided to get drunk. Friend: I am a man. Me: You went to the bar. Friend: I am a man. Me: You found a hot chick there. Friend: I […] More

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    I am a Lesbian

    Daughter: Dad I gotta tell u something… Dad: What’s that? Daughter: I’m a lesbian. Dad: Okay. (Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him) Daughter #2: Dad I gotta tell u something… Dad: What is that? Daughter #2: I’m a lesbian. Dad: Damn, does anybody in this house like d*ck? Son: I […] More

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    Blueberry Hill

    A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, “Where have you been?” The boy says, “On top of blueberry hill.” Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, “Where have you been?” The boy says, “On top of blueberry hill.” […] More

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    I Hate You

    Friend: Dude, I can’t stop dreaming about my crush. Me: Well imagine this… You’re home alone, and your crush comes over to visit. Friend: Ok I can see it… Me: She walks into your room and you’re just sitting there. Friend: Uh-huh.. I’m likin’ this. Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes […] More

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    New Bulge

    A couple were attending their first pre-natal class. So that the husband could get an idea of what it felt like to be pregnant, the instructor strapped a bag of sand to his stomach. As he walked around with his new bulge, the husband said: “This doesn’t feel too bad.” Then the instructor deliberately dropped […] More

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    The Pregnancy

    Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right? A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q. The more heavily pregnant I get, the more strangers smile at me. Why is that? A. Because you’re fatter than them. Q. […] More

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    The Worst Pain

    A man and a woman were discussing the worst pain that anyone could possibly experience. The woman said: “Without doubt, there is nothing more painful in life than childbirth.” “Nonsense,” said the man, “a kick in the bollocks is much more painful. Ask any guy.” “You’re so wrong,” maintained the woman. “Childbirth is far more […] More

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    Calling To Owls

    Night after night, a keen ornithologist stood in his backyard hooting like an owl. After weeks of getting no reply, he suddenly heard an owl hoot back at him. He was overjoyed at the response and for the next nine months man and bird kept up a regular dialogue of hooting. He was fascinated by […] More

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    Pigeons

    Driving into work one morning, a man could only watch in horror as his car shuddered to a halt in the busy rush hour traffic. All his attempts at restarting the car failed and he was left to contemplate a lengthy wait until the vehicle breakdown service arrived. Then from nowhere a pigeon landed on […] More

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