A guy from Anchorage lived in a house with no indoor toilet, just an outhouse. And the older he got, the further away the outhouse seemed to get, so that eventually he grew lazy and started peeing off the front porch.
His wife was horrified and told him: “You do realize that the neighbours can you see when you’re peeing off the porch!”
He promised not to do it again but a few nights later, on a typically cold Alaskan night, he could not face the trip to the outhouse and so he went off the porch. When he returned to bed, his wife was suspicious.
“You weren’t gone long,” she said.
“No,” he replied, guilt written all over his face.