An eccentric lady was in need of a piano player for her upcoming party. She placed ads and spread the word but could not find a suitable one.
A bum knocked on her door and when she saw the state of his condition, she answered, “Go away.” He said, “Please, won’t you just give me a chance, I’m a piano player.”
She was desperate so she let him in. After his performance, she couldn’t believe her ears. “Wow! That sounded great, best I’ve heard in years. What was the name of that song?” The bum answered, “Oh, it’s ‘I Love Me Wife So Much I Took A Big Dump’.” “Oh” she says, “How unusual, would you play another?”
He proceeded to play another tune and again she was astounded by the performance. “That was fantastic” she said, “What was the name of that tune?” “That one is called ‘I Took My Wife From Behind And Made A Mess All Over That Carpet’.”
“How unusual” she replied and said, “You’ve got the job, but please do me a favor and if anyone asks the names of your songs, please don’t tell them. And do something about your clothes; you look terrible. Go and buy a tux for the party.”
The bum was happy about his new job and had never bought a tux before and wound up getting one that was three sizes too small. At the big party, the crowd was amazed at his performance once again.
He bowed at the crowd back and forth and ripped out the whole rear end of his trousers. One lady stepped forward clapping and said, “Sir, you are a great piano player but do you know you have a hairy ass and your balls are hanging out?”
With a smile, the bum replied, “Lady, know it? I wrote it!”