A husband returned home after spending eight months on a solo posting with the US Army in Alaska. He told his wife: “Honey, I want you to know that I haven’t wasted my time while I’ve been away. I’ve mastered the art of mind over matter. Watch this!”
He then dropped his pants and shorts and stood before her naked. “Now watch,” he said.
“D.ck, attention!” he barked, and his penis instantly sprang to full erection.
His wife was impressed.
Then he barked, “D.ck, at ease!” and his penis immediately went soft.
“That’s amazing,” said his wife. “What a party piece! Hey, would you mind if I showed our neighbour Janice?”
The husband said he had no objections, and a few minutes later Janice – a pretty brunette wearing a short skirt and knee-high boots – called round to witness the trick. The husband could scarcely take his eyes off her long legs.
“Come on, darling,” said his wife. “Show Janice what you can do.”
Gathering himself together, he barked, “D.ck, attention!” and his penis stood proud.
The two women roared with laughter.
Then he ordered, “D.ck, at ease!” but nothing happened. It stayed hard.
“D.ck, at ease!” he repeated, but still it refused to go down.
After two more fruitless attempts, the husband rushed embarrassed to the bathroom, leaving his wife to make excuses for him. After she had seen Janice out, she went into the bathroom and found him masturbating furiously.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
He gasped: “I’m giving this son-of-a-b.tch a dishonourable discharge!”