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New Entrance Policy in Heaven

One day, Heaven suddenly became extremely full, and something had to be done. So The Lord decided to have St. Peter wait at the gate and ask everyone how they died. If it was a grisly story they told, they could go ahead into Heaven. But if not, they had to go to Hell.

The first man walks up and St. Peter tells him what’s happening.

“You see, Heaven is quite full today, and we have to ask everyone how they died. If it sounds good, you can go ahead. But if not, you go to Hell.”

“Ok,” the man says. “Well, for a while I’d been suspecting my wife of cheating on me. So today I thought I’d leave work early and catch her.  Sure enough, I got to my apartment and she was lying naked on the bed. I ran all over the apartment searching for the man but couldn’t find him.

Then I remembered that we lived on the 25th floor of an apartment building, and we have a balcony. And there was the man, hanging off my balcony. I beat at his hands and he just wouldn’t let go, so I ran and got a hammer and beat his hands until he fell into the bushes below. I saw he was still alive so I got the refrigerator and pushed over the edge on top of him. But the strain of the effort gave me a heart attack and I died.

“Wow!” St. Peter said. “That really is bad! You can go ahead…”

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  1. I heard this joke, word for word, in 1973. The classics never die. If told live by someone who can deliver that last sentence, it’s in my top ten.

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