Attendant And Passenger

To combat the recession, a budget airline has introduced a wave of new passenger charges:

Attendant: “Welcome aboard Cheapo Airlines, sir. May I see your ticket?”

Passenger: “Sure.”

Attendant: “You’re in seat 61C. That’ll be $5 please.”

Passenger: “What for?”

Attendant: “For telling you where to sit.”

Passenger: “But I already knew where to sit.”

Attendant: “Nevertheless we are now charging a seat-locater fee of $5. It’s the airline’s new policy.”

Passenger: “That’s the craziest thing I ever heard. I won’t pay it.”

Attendant: “Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?”

Passenger: “Okay, I’ll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this!”

Attendant: “Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?”

Passenger: “Yes, thank you.”

Attendant: “No problem. That will be $10, sir.”

Passenger: “What?”

Attendant: “The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.”

Passenger: “This is extortion. I won’t stand for it!”

Attendant: “Actually, you’re right, you can’t stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We’re about to push back from the gate. But first I need that $10.”

Passenger: “No way!”

Attendant: “Sir, if you don’t comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don’t want me to do that.”

Passenger: “Why not? Is he going to shoot me?”

Attendant: “No, but there’s a $50 air marshal hailing fee.”

Passenger: “Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I don’t believe this!”

Attendant: “Thank you for your co-operation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Passenger: “Yes, it’s stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn’t seem to work. Can you fix it?”

Attendant: “Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead fan slot.”

Passenger: “The airline is charging me for cabin air?”

Attendant: “Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It’s the circulating air that costs fifty cents.”

Passenger: “I don’t have any quarters. Do you have change for a dollar?”

Attendant: “Certainly, sir. Here you go.”

Passenger: “But you’ve given me only three quarters for my dollar!”

Attendant: “Yes, there’s a change-making fee of twenty-five cents.”

Passenger: “For crying out loud! Now all I have left is a lousy quarter! What the heck can I do with this?”

Attendant: “Hang onto it, sir. You’ll need it later for the lavatory.”