1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping at Shell.


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  1. This was one of the best jokes I’ve heard in a long time. You might not believe it but it sounds too true. Thank you for posting to the website. It brought lots of laughter to my home.

    • Yep, and then Shell at the end as well. Looks like somebody copy/pasted the joke, changed it to a different gas station, and didn’t make all the changes.

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