Stages of Drunkenness


0 – Sober as a nun. Brain as sharp as a knife until the real party starts.

1 – Light-headed good. There is a feel of a very slight pleasure.

2 – Warning up ahead. Appetizers ordered. Bartender suddenly looks pretty. He’s a dude, by the way.

3 – Starts brilliant discussion about politics with bar stranger.

4 – Feeling like a God. Everybody loves you. You’re awesome.

5 – Sends drink to a woman at the bar with her boyfriend. Sends love notes through the pretty bartender.

6 – Slurred speech. You love everybody. You buy everyone a drink each. Yes, doubles are allowed.

7 – Head is reeling but one more drink sure won’t hurt.

8 – You realize 7 was a bad idea.

9 – Incoherent thoughts and dysfunctional motor skills.

10 – You start crying for no apparent reason.

11 – You find yourself somewhere you don’t know.

12 – You swear to all the gods that you will never drink again if they could just take away the hangover you’re suffering from at the moment.